May 2, 2023

 It is Jadyn’s 21st birthday and I had a nice zoom conversation with her and another one with Zachary earlier. Bryson called me yesterday to visit and to ask if could teach him the Temple prep lessons. I love my children and I love my grandchildren and I am grateful for their kindness and love. 

It has been a busy week and by yesterday I was a little spent and tired. I often feel more emotional at those times too but my best recourse is to power thru and keep moving after having a cry. I carried on and got my regular cleaning and Monday chores done. 

I had gone to Hyrum’s endowment session last Tuesday evening and was glad to be there. He and Amy are a good couple. I went to the Stake Council meeting Wednesday evening because Cathy was not feeling well. I drove on my own as I could find no one to go with. Jean had me and the Sister missionaries for lunch on Friday and that was lovely. I served in the Temple Saturday and then drove Cindy out for the evening meeting and drove her and Paul home. We Stake YW leaders cleaned out our cupboard before the meeting. Paul gave me permission to zoom the Sunday conference meeting from home as I had been asked by Vancouver Stake President Bateman to participate in the Burnaby Ward second hour discussion at their ward conference and I needed to leave soon after the conclusion of the Abbotsford Stake conference. The Burnaby meeting focused on finding JOY in relationships. I was exhausted by the time I got home for family zoom. Amy and Hyrum completed my awnings on Saturday. They look cute and I believe they are stopping my windows from burning my artificial turf.

Brendon drove to Edmonton on the weekend to pick up Bryson and the furniture. Max wrote a big accounting exam. Sam went on a school river rafting expedition while he was sick with a cold and Wyatt’s team finally had a baseball victory. Every other child and adult in the family were busy too. Justin started a new job in St. George and they moved into her family’s condo. JayLynn will be getting more diagnostic tests done for her Crohn’s disease struggles. We pray for them. We pray for all of them.

We have our struggles our fatiguing moments but we are blessed.

April 25, 2023

 We are home after a lovely week in Montana. Rissa tried hard to have me meet all her girlfriends. She organized a lunch at a local restaurant and most of them attended - Courtney, Corin, Deanne, Kim, the other Courtney and the two of us. They are all lovely women and seem to be very fond of Rissa. They all have children about the same age and are involved in activities together. He friend Molly was unable to attend that day and so we had brunch with her on her own. We had met Molly’s husband Josh and her girls at Eureka. Our fancy dinner out at the golf course restaurant went well. Colton had a cold while I was there so he stayed home with a babysitter while Wyatt came with us. It was his first time having to learn and use fine dining etiquette. He was cute and did very well. Lara Lyn and Colton drove us to Cranbrook Friday morning and we set out on an airplane adventure once again. Staying in the little guest house had worked out well for us and it also gave Kona and their big dog Otis some space. Otis and Kona have a love/hate relationship. He could have gobbled her up in two bites but she could put him in his place. They were hilarious. My dear Jean picked us up at the airport in Vancouver before she had to be back at work.

Kona and I settled back into our home and Brendon, Keaton and Sayde arrive later Friday evening ready for Saturday baptisms at the Temple. 

Liza ran a trail race Saturday morning and then met Brendon and Keaton halfway between Kelowna and Vancouver and exchanged cars in order for Liza to have the power chair car for Sayde. I had kept Sayde with me after I got back from my Temple service. Amy and Hyrum put my bedroom window awnings up on Saturday too and will complete them next Saturday. 

I had a ward conference in Chilliwack on Sunday morning and drove out in the rain by myself. Liza and Sayde went to Willoughby Ward with Cindy and Sam but we arrived home after church about the same time. We had our family zoom Sunday afternoon. We are concerned about JayLynn as her Crohn’s disease is out of control and they have had to move to St. George to be closer to her family for help and Justin has had to start a new job at another PT clinic. I am praying for them.

Liza and Sayde went to Children’s Hospital yesterday for Sayde to have x-rays and evaluation appointment. They were pleased with her and that makes us happy. They stopped at IKEA for shopping and then here to say goodbye and pick up their luggage and food for the drive home.

I have been cleaning and catching up on my callings, business and personal writing etc. I am cautiously optimistic about the awnings preventing further turf burn in the backyard. It would be a huge relief if that is the case. I carry on trying to do my best.

April, 18, 2023

 We are in Whitefish, Montana right now having travelled on Saturday with Air Canada from Vancouver to Cranbrook. Rissa picked Kona and I up there and we drove to their property in Eureka where Scott and the boys were. They will be building a cabin on it eventually but for now they have their RV and a large shed on the property. We went down to the lake, which is being kept very low at the moment. The children played in the sand while the dirt bikes raced by on the dunes. We went for pizza and met their friend Josh and his two girls. We drove back to Whitefish that night after dinner at the RV and saw hundreds and hundreds of deer along the way.

On Sunday we went to church in the morning and then up to their mountain cabin which they rent out in the the winters and summers months. Ago The children played their device games and we relaxed. It is beautiful up there. We came back to the house for roast beef dinner and I helped make Yorkshire pudding. We had our family zoom in the afternoon.

The children were off to school on Monday morning and Rissa and I went for morning tea with her friend Courtney and her Nana. Nana lives with Courtney and her family. We shopped in downtown Whitefish afterward and then came home for lunch before going to pick the boys up at school. We were meeting Rissa’s friends all along the way. Whitefish is a small town and everyone knows each other but it is growing. The growth is good for Scott’s realtor work but you hate to see it get too big and lose it’s small town character.

We drove to Kalispell today to get the car tires changed and we did some shopping and had sushi while we waited. When the car was done we did a quick Costco shop before returning home and Rissa went to help at the school.

The week before coming I was busy getting my callings and house in order. I did some LOW training for Dolly McMullin and refresh training for Kristle Loewen. I went to the Willoughby Ward YWs on Thursday evening as a guest teaching dining etiquette. Laurel Christensen had cooked a lovely roast beef  dinner for them. Some of the girls, especially the younger girls, were a bit overwhelmed but they were cute and excited to participate. One of the YW asked, “How do you know so much?”  I replied, “I am old”. It was fun. I also had my regular Stake YW zoom on Wednesday evening and I made assignments for upcoming live ordinances.

I miss Tom when I travel. This is my first time here without him and it is hard.  He always remembered things to bring and do and I am trying hard to think of and take care of all those things. Oh, I miss him on every level. Tonight we will go out for dinner and I will try to pay and I will know Tom could have handled that better too.

April 10, 2023

 Somehow two weeks have slipped by but they have been weeks full of happenings and fulfilling of responsibilities. General Conference has come and gone and Holy Week and Easter have come and gone. I feel like Tom is whispering in some ears, “Keep her busy.” It is good for me and it keeps my mind and body going.

I have completed the Temple Prep lessons with Amy and Hyrum and he has had his interviews and booked an appointment at the Temple. He is a great fellow and I pray they have bright future within the gospel. Hyrum is a carpenter and is going to build some awnings for my bedroom windows to prevent the sun’s rays from reflecting off the windows and burning my artificial turf in the backyard.

I am busy with my church callings, teaching Temple prep, training LOWs and scheduling LOWs with Temple assignments, doing my regular Temple assignments and having YW Stake meetings and doing a Presidency training meeting with a new YW presidency in the Clearbrook Ward along with the other members of the Stake YW presidency. We also had a Moroni’s Quest meeting to receive Stake assignments for the event to be held this summer.

I have tried to finish up some books I have been needing to read and I watched Presley and a Nova one day while Camille and Daylan attended the Temple. I am happy to help them out in some small way while Presley continues her cancer treatments at Children’s Hospital. I had Bela and Toese for lunch as Toese is getting over leg surgery and also just because they are my friends. Toese fell in love with Kona, everyone does. I took extra food from the lunch to Lincoln and Mary as they were getting over covid.  I had the Hardy family for dinner on Easter and invited Jean too even though I don’t know if western food is her favourite, I didn’t want her to be alone.

General Conference was wonderful and every talk was Christ Centered. They encouraged us to make more out of Easter, as we do Christmas and so I tried to concentrate on Holy Week a little more. The General Authorities suggested we only do sacrament meeting on Easter Sunday to spend more time with our families as we would if it were Christmas. 

I have made reservations to go to Lara Lyn’s next week to visit and to take Kona with me. We will fly to Cranbrook and the Bull’s will pick us up there. Hyrum is planning on building my awnings while we are gone. We leave on Saturday, April 15 early in the morning and Hyrum wants to start that day.

My life is full and busy but the hole in my heart is a permanent reality. 

March 26, 2023

 My birthday came and I was kept so busy that I hardly had time to breathe. I felt  like Tom was whispering in everyone’s ears “don’t forget Mom, don’t forget Gramma, don’t forget Linda”. I had phone calls, FaceTimes, beautiful flowers delivered from our children and my sister (I already had flowers from Wendy and my ministering sisters), I had Mary take me to lunch and Jean bring cake and eat it with me. I even had Jack call from Africa and Jacqui and Max FaceTime the next day from Australia. I was overwhelmed and blessed beyond expression. A day I had been dreading became a precious memory filled with kindness and love. How blessed am I?

Liza’s family ran into some difficulties with their spring break trip to Australia. Liza and the younger three children were to leave last Sunday evening but they discovered that Keaton’s passport was to expire that day. They also received a call on Sunday from VRBO stating that the home they were to be staying in had a pipe spring a leak. Adjustments were necessary last minute. They expedited the processing of Keaton’s passport and changed his flight to Wednesday when Brendon was to fly out. Cindy and Paul returned from their trip on Monday, picked Keaton’s passport up at the Surrey passport office on Tuesday and then drove it half way to Kelowna where they met Ted and Keaton who driven that far to meet them. Liza and the girls got to Australia and VRBO put them up in a hotel for three days until they could get them into another home. They stayed at Courtney’s until they could get into the hotel. Brendon and Keaton left on Wednesday and Bryson flew out of Edmonton on Thursday. They have been spending some time with Max and Jacqui. 

Trevor, Tammie, Jadyn and Trey got back from their Caribbean spring break cruise but not without some flying and luggage mishaps. Travelling is difficult and challenging these days. Cindy and family did have a restful time at their accommodations in Washington State. They drove back down on Friday to pick up some packages for Liza and themselves and a wreath for me and probably, because of the cost of my wreath, were stopped at the border and questioned but all was finally sorted. Always something.

I did some gardening this week, cultivating garden beds and removing and then replacing a bush. The removal was a little more challenging than I had hoped for. I took some things to Thrift and took the Burnco bag back. Kona and I visited the grave and then went for A+W. I did some LOW training with Judi Laurie on Saturday and Barbara Loza on Wednesday. I attended Bob Water’s 75th Birthday celebration on Tuesday at Moxie’s restaurant with about 15 other people. I taught Amy and Hyrum Temple Prep on Tuesday evening in anticipation of Hyrum receiving his endowments and their future sealing. I had Liane and Ross Lyle from Nanaimo stay with me on Friday as they attended the Temple. 

I went to my dermatologist appointment Friday in Burnaby only to find that it was in the same building where Tom received his pet scans at Initio. As I sat in the building, I realized that it was about one year exactly since I had been sitting there waiting for Tom to have his final scan in anticipation of our fourth trip to Germany. The scan showed no soft tissue involvement but blood tests indicating low blood platelets soon prevented the trip from happening. The end of March and beginning of April was a turning point. Our dear children had been taking turns coming to be with us and on March 24 Lara Lyn was visiting with Colton and Cindy took us out for brunch in Fort Langley to celebrate our collective birthdays. Exactly one year later, after that brunch, I found myself  back in the building where Tom’s pet scan would take place just a few days after our family celebration. I have included a picture of us at the restaurant last year. He looks good but he was failing. I was holding onto hope and though in my heart I knew what was going to happen, I did not let go of hope until a few days before his death. The appointment last week brought all these remembrances back to mind and to heart. Life is an adventure, a challenge, a joy, a sorrow but roll it altogether and in the end it will be worth it. Now I hold onto the eternal hope the Savior offers.

March 15, 223

 Tomorrow is my 73rd birthday. For whatever reason I am having a difficult time not having Tom here. I got thru his birthday (I was in the Temple that day and got Kona that day), I got thru our anniversary (Trevor had come and took me out to dinner that day) and I got thru Christmas (I was with Cindy and family in Australia)  but as my birthday looms, I am struggling. The Hardys are away but I have had ministering brothers and ministering sisters rushing to wrap their arms around me and dear friends like Mary Harvey inviting me out for lunch and Wendy McKinley making sure someone was taking me for lunch and bringing me a gift. Liza and Keaton came down a few days ago to just be with me and Cindy and Paul took us all out to dinner to celebrate and we had everyone here, Ross and Sarah included, on Sunday to celebrate the March birthdays. I am not neglected by any means and I feel very loved. I am just missing the one I love most right now. He has been part of every birthday in my life since I was fifteen and no one anticipated my 16th birthday more than he did or prepared for it more than him. He had every detail of that 16th birthday planned. Having someone to love and celebrate me, to lift me, to make me feel like I am more, is pretty unique and it is difficult to live without, that loving, lifting someone. I don’t want my children or others to worry about me; it is just that I miss him so deeply and for whatever the reason that missing and that hurt are spilling into my birthday this year. I am not without Tom’s influence in my life and I do feel his love but I still - just miss him. I am extremely grateful the Lord saw fit to bless me with Tom Walker as my life companion and I hope and pray that I can live worthy to be with both Tom and the Lord forever. I feel like Maria in the “Sound of Music” , the movie we went to on my 16th birthday, “somewhere in my …..past, I must have done something good.” It must have been in the pre-mortal life.

It was a busy week. We rushed to put together out First Stake Youth Temple day and did that on Saturday. We have had one Stake event after the other lately and it has been daunting, however the Lord carries us thru and Saturday seemed to go well. Liza and Keaton arrived in the midst of it and Keaton caught the tail end of the activity while Liza attended a Temple session. Cindy, Paul and Sam took us out for dinner at Beatniks that night to celebrate my birthday and Liza’s. It was also the time change that night and then I had to get up early to drive to Chilliwack to represent the Stake and speak at Chilliwack 1 ward, Ross came as my speaking companion and was the support I needed. He did so well and I am proud of him. I made lasagna on Friday so dinner would be ready on Sunday and the Hardy’s, including Ross and Sarah came. Cindy and Paul brought cake and we celebrated the March birthdays before Liza and Keaton headed for home. There was snow on their journey but they arrived safely. Trevor’s family are on a Caribbean cruise for spring break, the Burgess family head for Australia next week and the Hardy family have gone to Washington State for a holiday. The cruise and Australia were planned before covid hit. Everyone is busy in their own lives and I am busy with my callings (four callings) and my puppy. She is looking beautiful today after a grooming. 

I am looking toward trips to Montana to visit the Bulls and then in June to New Jersey for Zachary and Monica’s wedding. I am needing to make reservations for both. I am hoping at least our daughters can come with me to the wedding so I have some time with all our children together if not all their families too. Joanne is feeling better in Lethbridge and I hope perhaps I can see her when I go to Montana.

March 6, 2023

 I am worried that my devices are not updating as they should be and as result I am not getting all my messages. It worries me most with my Temple accounts and that I might not be receiving the updates on the Living Ordinances. Oh, the concerns we can have theses days when our devices are out of sorts. Trevor sent me a message that I did not receive and so did Kona’s groomer and my message site to Cindy went out. Communication used to be so straight forward.

I was so happy to have Trisha cut my hair last Monday. She had, had sickness, a flat tire, a meeting and various things come up to keep her from getting to me.. It had taken two weeks but she finally made it and gave me a good haircut and then I coloured it. I am a new person. Funny what a haircut can do for you.

We had a big snowfall the Monday night and I was told the roads were bad so I changed my Temple appointment to Wednesday morning. Carol, Camille, Daylan, Nova and Presley made it to my house in the evening as conditions had improved. Carol and I kept the girls and Camille and Daylan went to the Temple. I had made turkey burger soup for them and Carol had brought a Japanese rice dish for them. They are busy little girls and apparently I don’t have the right or even enough dress up clothes for Nova. Little Presley missed her mother. The whole family are still staying at Ronald McDonald house while Presley continues her cancer treatments. They will probably be there until June. What a challenge this has been for them. Daylan is not working right now and they all need to be together.

When I went to the Temple on Wednesday morning I cut my finger on the locker, I believe , and soon noted it on my Temple packet. I cleaned it up before the session and got a bandaid but the incident prompted me to wash most of my Temple clothes and my Temple robes. I do have quite a few. It takes a bit of time to get them washed, some hung, some dried and then all pressed but everything is in order now.

I committed myself to wash all the insides of my windows this week and I got that done too. 

We have been trying to get the next Stake Youth event in order. It is on March 11 and is a Temple and Family History Day. I don’t like to fly by the seat of my pants but it seems that is what we have been doing in pulling this event together. We have been in charge of the FH activities and have just this week brought Paul and Cindy’s niece Danielle on board as she did did a big FH event in Maple Ridge Ward. I ordered the food for the event and we have been trying to round up other people last minute and I feel badly. I am sure the Lord will help us as we limp along. We had a TriStake Fireside last night for Moroni’s Quest. I finished my talk to be given as a Stake representative in Chilliwack 1 on March 12. Ross is going to be my speaking companion.

My life is busy and I am trying to keep up and take care of this little puppy too. My heart still hurts everyday, sometimes every moment. It is hard to walk out of the Temple alone, sometimes hard to walk into and out of the church alone, although I have spent much of my married life doing just that but it seems to hurt now. I don’t want to be a burden or a bother but it sometimes feels as though I am. I am still  just finding my place in a world that has completely changed for me.