January 24, 2024

 The rain continues and the evidence of a major snowfall will soon be erased. We have needed the moisture since summer and we are certainly receiving it all at once. The dog is not complaining too much, just curious about the lumps of snow along our walking paths and glad to be out walking again as we couldn’t go far last week with the depth of the snow and her inability to navigate thru it all.

I was Jack’s first date last night when he took me to see the movie “Wonka”. It was a very cute musical and it was fun to go out with a grandson. Tom left me eleven of them and they are good boys and good to me. How many grown grandsons hold their grandmother’s hand or put their arm around her to lovely comfort her or come to visit her or FaceTime her or share a bedroom with her on holidays or get her safely to the airport or give her priesthood blessings or stand faithfully by her side as people greet her at her husband’s memorial service. I know of none, let alone eleven and then to top it off I have three, beautiful, remarkable granddaughters, four precious children and special in-laws to go along with them. I love them, I pray for them and want to have them always.

I have been carrying on with my commitment to deal with Tom’s belongings. I have been going thru his clothing and mine and trying to determine what to keep, give away or throw away. It is an emotional experience and hard to see things that seemed to part of someone relegated to different places than where they have always been. I hope to get Tom’s things and mine organized so that when I go it will not be a painful problem or process for the children to deal with. I gave Tom’s shirts to Renee Gallant so that she can start to piece them together into a quilt. That way I can treasure those remembrances of him. I am giving some of his clothing  to the Hardy family as they are the ones that fit his things the best. I have given ties to all the grandson’s and his watches to Trevor. So on it goes on slowly, sometimes tearfully but always with love and great gratitude for Tom, for my family and for the gospel that frames it all with meaning.

January 18, 2024

 I mustered up my courage yesterday, a snowy yesterday, and cleaned up Tom’s nest of things on his shelf in our closet.  Some things I moved to his dresser drawer and others went into the garbage. I have slowly been going thru his clothes, washing, ironing and folding his sports shirts ready to be made into a quilt, giving his suits and coats to the Hardy family, going thru his pants for donation and give away. Having his belongings around has provided me comfort but I realize that his life and not his things is the treasured memory. He is, however, so present in my life that I do not think of him as a memory. I read this quote on Facebook this morning. “…grief only exists where love lived first.” Franchesca Cox. So many painful and powerful lessons this loss has taught me. I have learned that tremendous pain and tremendous peace can live in  the same house. I have learned that love remains very real across the veil. I have learned that the veil itself is very thin and you can experience the presence of your loved one and their involvement in your life on an almost constant basis. I have learned that you can request their presence and their assistance at anytime and they will be there. I have learned that they are not far away at all. Having said all this I would give anything to see him walk down the hall of the Temple in his white suit toward me. That is one of my favorite things. Sometimes, when I could not find him in the Temple anywhere, I would, as a last resort, go to the Celestial Room and he would be sitting there alone and quiet. He loves the Temple and I loved to see him in the Temple. He belonged there.

Our very cold weather has warmed a bit but in its place we received a very large snow fall yesterday and the kind neighbors and sister missionaries shoveled my driveway and walks at least three times. I cleared a patch of grass in the backyard for Kona. Everyone was snowbound and school was cancelled giving Cindy, Jean and the kids a break. Paul and Jack worked from home. I invited the Sisters and Jean for dinner as no one could get out and cooking and getting together seemed a good option. Luckily I taught Jennifer Shen her follow up Temple lesson on Tuesday evening before the snows arrived. 

Jack gave his homecoming talk on Sunday and did an excellent job. Family and friends were there to support him. Members were impressed by his words and maturity. He is doing very well with and being so kind to Sianne’s family and he finally encountered Sianne and Caleb this week at institute and greeted them and congratulated them. I am so proud of him. He has goods things ahead. Bryson has completed his first week in the Provo MTC. 

Kona had an upset tummy again Friday night and we were up several times. I managed to get her to the vet for medicine and a blood test before my Temple shift Saturday. She seems to repeat this every once and awhile and I am not sure why.

The snow remains in large piles today but so far no additional snowfall though school is cancelled again and people are working from home.

January 11, 2023

 Well, Jack is back and Bryson has left! Bryson did home MTC last week and left on Tuesday this week for Utah. His home MTC companion and his family met him in Salt Lake and kept him overnight before taking both boys to the MTC Wednesday, January 10. Liza and Brendon had an Open House for him on Sunday evening. Jack flew in on Friday, January 5 with brothers, grandparents, Hardy cousins and Aunt and Uncle there to greet him with his parents. Max and Jacqui were there too on FaceTime. He is weary, very cold and glad to be home. He flew home all the way alone through Paris and Montreal and was able to speak French in both cities. He was warmly greeted at church on Sunday and we all went for his High Council report last night. I took him to the doctor today and to the cemetery before going for brunch. He then came and took my outdoor Christmas lights down. He has been getting organized and reoriented this week and starts working for John Layton next week. The highlight of my week was when almost my whole family met on Family Zoom on Monday evening to welcome Jack back and say goodbye to Bryson. I could feel their love for their family. What a week! What a wonderful family Tom has left me with and the Lord has blessed us with. I am very grateful!

The rest of my week in a nutshell. I had my hair cut this week and Kona had her grooming, She nipped the groomer a couple of times. Oh dear! I met with Lauren McGregor and the Emergency Preparedness Expo group I have been asked to work with Sunday evening. I paid the lawyer for my will finalization. I had to renew my car insurance this week and at first it looked like it was going to be a problem again but when I went to Tesla requesting help, they put me on the phone with their insurance fellow and he had it done immediately and delivered to my house the next day.  A positive for Tesla! Jack and I removed the Christmas arrangement from Tom’s grave and, with the outdoor light down, Christmas is officially tucked away for another year. The weather has turned very cold! Ryan my landscaper has promised to replace the burnt back turf when it warms up. Always much going on and much to think about. Very blessed!

January 4, 2024

 The first post of the New Year! It is Treyvn’s 16th Birthday and Liza and Brendon’s 24th Wedding Anniversary. Jack arrives home from his mission to Benin, Africa tomorrow and Bryson is doing home MTC  this week. It is an eventful day and week for our family. 

Cindy, Paul and Sam took me to the Hallmark outdoor Christmas sets in Aldergrove last Wednesday evening. It was fun and I actually recognized some of buildings from movies I have seen lately. They even had fake snow falling (it is made from soap). Cindy and I bought wool hats from the little outdoor market. We went to A+W afterward.

I visited the cemetery thru the week and had Bryson return on Thursday to stay with me when he came with N’Leah’s family for her endowment on Friday. I went on the Friday session for N’Leah too and Bryson drove back home with them afterward. I then got ready for our trip up to Kelowna.

Cindy, Paul, Sam, Kona and I drove up to Kelowna on Saturday morning in preparation for Bryson’s farewell on Sunday. It was fun to be with the family and see the house decorated for Christmas. Liza has some of our old decorations and it feels like home. I took the family and N’Leah out for dinner Saturday evening. The Sunday meeting was special as Brendon conducted, Liza and Bryson spoke and Sam and Keaton helped with the sacrament. We had brunch before returning home as Sam wanted to be with friends for the New Year. My New Year was quiet here at home with fireworks going outside. I was so glad we were able to go up. Liza is struggling as she is trying to manage without her medication and with the pressures of life and all that is happening, it is hard.

I have been taking the Christmas decorations down this week. I am a little slower in doing so than I used to be. Kona is confused and I am sure she thinks that I am crazy. 

David Burgess kindly helped us get paperwork done for my executor and representation connected to my will.  I think everything is in order now and I turned the signed documents over to the lawyer. Cindy and Liza are joint on these papers and I needed them both to be there to sign at one time.

I am trying to hard to support my family and to have my life in order. Trying to do everything as one individual when you are used to working with a partner is an adjustment and forces me to think and make decisions on my own and push myself. I do feel Tom’s support though and I hope the children do as well.

December 27, 2023

 Bryson finished his one week service at the Temple and headed for home. I started feeling sick later the day he left and for the next 24 hours I was having some real problems. I wasn’t sure if it was food poisoning or if I had a flu bug. Biglers came to visit me Friday evening and bring me a gift. After their visit things started to improve for me but out of caution I arranged for Marie Cruikshank to work my Temple shift for me on Saturday. By Saturday I was feeling better and guilty about not being in the Temple but probably needed time to get back on my feet. 

Christmas Eve fell on a Sunday and I was now feeling confident in going to church. Linda Rolfson was visiting and sang ‘O Holy Night’. Beautiful. Nice to see her and others and have a little visit. Cindy had me over for her lovely Shepherd’s dinner in the evening. They have been renovating their living room and it is beautiful. They also had new furniture and so all was a surprise for me. They are excited about their creation and I am happy for them. 

Christmas Day arrived and I realized that it was the first Christmas I had ever awakened all alone. I had made my orange rolls and Cindy made soufflé and they arrived later that morning along with Ross and Sarah to have presents and Christmas breakfast. They went back to their place to open more gifts there and rest before returning to have turkey dinner here. While they were gone I did the turkey, stuffing, brussel sprouts and finished the layered salad. I was tired by now and when we all confronted the food later I felt overwhelmed and could hardly eat. Cindy kindly helped divide and pack the food up. I think I need to improve and simplify in the future. We just don’t have as many to feed now. 

I have been cleaning up the last couple of days and relaxing a bit. I think I may have had the wind knocked out of me with my sick spell but I have had a lovely Christmas Season with  neighbors, friends and family being so good to me. The children have all kept in touch with me. Joanne and I have been in touch. Kind messages, cards, floral arrangements and gifts have come and I appreciate everyone and all that has been done. 

The Burgess family spent Christmas at Big White ski mountain with Brendon’s family. They celebrated their own Christmas before Brendon’s family arrived. Liza has a difficult time with the pressure of being all together but she loved their own family’s time together. The Bull and Walker families remained home. Zach was with Monica’s family and Justin and JayLynn with JayLynn’s family but JayLynn was having a bad day and ended up in hospital. I am so concerned for her and I am praying. Max and Jacqui were with her family. I love them all.

I love my Savior and I love this time of year when we honor his birth. I loved Christmas when I was little and I just knew that baby represented in our nativity set was the Savior of the world. I think that is where and when my testimony took root. I love him.

I miss my boy and he is part of all I do and all I feel. I love him too.

December 17, 2023

 I am having trouble keeping up with a weekly blog the last weeks. I have Bryson with me this week serving in the Temple. He was able to receive his Patriarch Blessing and then make arrangements with the Temple Presidency to serve. They have had him doing the morning shifts since Wednesday and then the afternoon shift with me on Saturday. I also served Friday morning with him, subbing for Diana Baker while she took Diane Andrews to the cancer clinic at the Abbotsford Hospital. Bryson and I have done shopping for his mission and taken missionary pictures of him outside the Temple but he wants N’Leah to take other ones when he comes down with her and her family December 29 for her to receive her OE. He has gone to Institute on Wednesday evening and to the YSA branch today for church. We have kept him busy and He has done well at the Temple and I think enjoyed it. He is planning on returning home on Thursday as they leave for their Christmas at Big White on Saturday.

Trevor had shoulder surgery on Friday and passed out as they were prepping him with a spinal bloc. They were concerned as his blood pressure dropped and they thought he coded and/or had a small heart attack.  His ECG was not right either but they carried on with the surgery once he was stable. They are checking into it further and having him see a cardiologist. I worry about all he has put his body through during his life and want him to take better care of himself. I am praying.

We had the ward party last night and they decided to have grandmothers as the angels so Maureen Fairbairn and I were the angels in the frame of the Picture a Christmas nativity production. When Bryson and I went over pick out my costume for it on Thursday evening, the YW were eating Chinese food and offered us some so we had our dinner there.

Cindy, Paul and Sam to me to the VSO movie night of the Home Alone movie on Wednesday evening. The Symphony plays to movie music while you watch the movie. I loved it but was shocked with popcorn, pop and audience talking and cheering etc. Not like any symphony I have been to at the Orpheum Theatre but I loved the movie and the symphony. That was my Christmas present and I loved it.

Had my Telus box replaced and my TV is working better. It was very outdated I guess. I delivered Christmas plants to Biglers and the Lai family. Had a quick visit with Joshua Lai and a longer visit with Pamila and David. Delivered nuts to my neighbors, the Harveys and finished my Temple prep class with my ladies and gave them nuts. Melissa and Phil Harvey had me along with Cindy’s family for dinner last Sunday evening and that was very nice. We really had a good time. I carry on working my Saturday shifts at the Temple and attend the Temple for myself on Tuesday mornings. Colton celebrated his 7th birthday on December 15. Our cute youngest.

I am slow doing the blog but I have been busy and all is good. My family and others are so good to me. I am blessed. Miss my boy but blessed.

December 5, 2023

 A lot has happened since my last blog but if truth be told I thought I had written regarding my trip to Tennessee. I worked hard getting my Christmas shopping done and my house decorated before I set out for Thanksgiving with Trevor’s family. I left early in the morning on the 21st so we got the dog situated at Cindy’s the night before. Dear Paul got up very early and drove me to the airport and I was at my gate in plenty of time. My route sent my thru a Dallas and a lengthy stop but I kept myself busy and had something to eat and a good walk around. Trevor was waiting for me at the Nashville airport and said Justin and JayLynn were arriving in twenty minutes so we gathered my luggage and had a good visit while we waited for our little family. Treyson was excited to see his Papa and we all gathered up and got home where Tammie had some food ready for us. Tired and I think we all slept well. Tammie had the house decorated beautifully for Christmas with just her trees left to be done. Trevor drove to Knoxville the next day to pick up gym equipment and Tammie and I drove Trey to a footfall practice and then did some Christmas mailing for me and grocery shopping for Tammie and stopped to look at a ladies store too. We did some cooking that day but Thursday was Thanksgiving and most of us got involved in the marathon of cooking that went on as we watched the parade in New York and that transitioned into watching football. I enjoyed visiting with the family. JayLynn was doing well as she is on steroids right now and getting ready to start a new treatment. Jadyn seemed to be doing good with her school, work and life plans. Trey’s girlfriend was away so we had a little more Trey time. We had a lovely meal at the conclusion of all the preparations and it was fun to be together. Watched a movie. I gave Trevor’s family their gifts to open on Christmas Friday morning and Justin, Jaylynn and Treyson opened theirs that day. Tammie and Trevor drove me back to the airport around lunchtime and I caught my plane home retracing my previous flight route. Cindy and Paul were there to pick me up at the airport and had my dog all settled back at home. Quick but lovely trip and I had a good time. Tired and had a sub at the Temple so took Saturday to regroup and pick up groceries. Home for Christmas now.

I started last week with a doctor’s appointment to check my finger and a PT appointment for my back and neck concerns. Rosemarie had suggested a new hairdresser that I visited on Wednesday. I gave the dog her bath on Thursday and taught my Temple Prep lesson here at the house again that evening. Did some baking that day too. 

Cindy called me early Friday morning to tell me that Sam had been in a car accident on the way to seminary. As our understanding of situation unfolded we realized that miracles had been involved and Sam was safe and okay despite the fact that things could have turned out very differently. He was turning left on the green arrow at 88th and 208 when a Ram pickup ran the light and hit him on the driver’s side spinning his car 180 degrees so he ended up facing east. Suddenly John Merryman, a traffic policeman from our ward, was there with him recognizing who Sam was and evaluating his situation and taking witness testimonies and gathering information. When Sam called his parents he was able to tell Cindy that John as with him and that calmed her heart. Paul got there soon afterward and was shocked to see all the emergency vehicles and the condition of their car. Sam seemed okay but was taken to the hospital by ambulance for an evaluation. The truck driver was saying he had the green light but John Merryman’s retrieval of the light camera information showed differently and John said he would testify himself if needs be as he was in the car next to Sam at the intersection. The whole family was shaken and took the day off. I feel Tom near many times and he let know that he was there with Sam and that Sam had been surrounded by many angels. Grateful for all the miracles involved.

It was Stake conference weekend and Cindy and Paul were involved in early meetings, meals and such as they had a general authority visitor. After my Saturday Temple shift I drove out for the Saturday evening meeting with Marilyn Rolfson. I drove out with Melissa Rolfson Sunday morning and home with the Bishop. Sam drove with the Bishop too as Cindy and Paul had a lunch to attend. Paul gave an excellent talk Saturday evening on creating a heavenly home. Julie sang and that is always a treat. Good conference.

I have begun another week with sorting out a busy upcoming Saturday of living ordinances and then attending the Temple today as I usually do and picking up groceries on the way home. 

My life is busy and as I have said, busy is good for me. Heavy rains yesterday and had to literally drag the dog out. I was concerned about flooding it was so bad behind our house. 

Trying to get things done Tom would be doing and I am washing and ironing all  his shirts to be made into a quilt. I am going to wash five a week. My heart is aching but I am trying. Some days are worse than others. ❤️❤️