January 24, 2024

 The rain continues and the evidence of a major snowfall will soon be erased. We have needed the moisture since summer and we are certainly receiving it all at once. The dog is not complaining too much, just curious about the lumps of snow along our walking paths and glad to be out walking again as we couldn’t go far last week with the depth of the snow and her inability to navigate thru it all.

I was Jack’s first date last night when he took me to see the movie “Wonka”. It was a very cute musical and it was fun to go out with a grandson. Tom left me eleven of them and they are good boys and good to me. How many grown grandsons hold their grandmother’s hand or put their arm around her to lovely comfort her or come to visit her or FaceTime her or share a bedroom with her on holidays or get her safely to the airport or give her priesthood blessings or stand faithfully by her side as people greet her at her husband’s memorial service. I know of none, let alone eleven and then to top it off I have three, beautiful, remarkable granddaughters, four precious children and special in-laws to go along with them. I love them, I pray for them and want to have them always.

I have been carrying on with my commitment to deal with Tom’s belongings. I have been going thru his clothing and mine and trying to determine what to keep, give away or throw away. It is an emotional experience and hard to see things that seemed to part of someone relegated to different places than where they have always been. I hope to get Tom’s things and mine organized so that when I go it will not be a painful problem or process for the children to deal with. I gave Tom’s shirts to Renee Gallant so that she can start to piece them together into a quilt. That way I can treasure those remembrances of him. I am giving some of his clothing  to the Hardy family as they are the ones that fit his things the best. I have given ties to all the grandson’s and his watches to Trevor. So on it goes on slowly, sometimes tearfully but always with love and great gratitude for Tom, for my family and for the gospel that frames it all with meaning.

January 18, 2024

 I mustered up my courage yesterday, a snowy yesterday, and cleaned up Tom’s nest of things on his shelf in our closet.  Some things I moved to his dresser drawer and others went into the garbage. I have slowly been going thru his clothes, washing, ironing and folding his sports shirts ready to be made into a quilt, giving his suits and coats to the Hardy family, going thru his pants for donation and give away. Having his belongings around has provided me comfort but I realize that his life and not his things is the treasured memory. He is, however, so present in my life that I do not think of him as a memory. I read this quote on Facebook this morning. “…grief only exists where love lived first.” Franchesca Cox. So many painful and powerful lessons this loss has taught me. I have learned that tremendous pain and tremendous peace can live in  the same house. I have learned that love remains very real across the veil. I have learned that the veil itself is very thin and you can experience the presence of your loved one and their involvement in your life on an almost constant basis. I have learned that you can request their presence and their assistance at anytime and they will be there. I have learned that they are not far away at all. Having said all this I would give anything to see him walk down the hall of the Temple in his white suit toward me. That is one of my favorite things. Sometimes, when I could not find him in the Temple anywhere, I would, as a last resort, go to the Celestial Room and he would be sitting there alone and quiet. He loves the Temple and I loved to see him in the Temple. He belonged there.

Our very cold weather has warmed a bit but in its place we received a very large snow fall yesterday and the kind neighbors and sister missionaries shoveled my driveway and walks at least three times. I cleared a patch of grass in the backyard for Kona. Everyone was snowbound and school was cancelled giving Cindy, Jean and the kids a break. Paul and Jack worked from home. I invited the Sisters and Jean for dinner as no one could get out and cooking and getting together seemed a good option. Luckily I taught Jennifer Shen her follow up Temple lesson on Tuesday evening before the snows arrived. 

Jack gave his homecoming talk on Sunday and did an excellent job. Family and friends were there to support him. Members were impressed by his words and maturity. He is doing very well with and being so kind to Sianne’s family and he finally encountered Sianne and Caleb this week at institute and greeted them and congratulated them. I am so proud of him. He has goods things ahead. Bryson has completed his first week in the Provo MTC. 

Kona had an upset tummy again Friday night and we were up several times. I managed to get her to the vet for medicine and a blood test before my Temple shift Saturday. She seems to repeat this every once and awhile and I am not sure why.

The snow remains in large piles today but so far no additional snowfall though school is cancelled again and people are working from home.

January 11, 2023

 Well, Jack is back and Bryson has left! Bryson did home MTC last week and left on Tuesday this week for Utah. His home MTC companion and his family met him in Salt Lake and kept him overnight before taking both boys to the MTC Wednesday, January 10. Liza and Brendon had an Open House for him on Sunday evening. Jack flew in on Friday, January 5 with brothers, grandparents, Hardy cousins and Aunt and Uncle there to greet him with his parents. Max and Jacqui were there too on FaceTime. He is weary, very cold and glad to be home. He flew home all the way alone through Paris and Montreal and was able to speak French in both cities. He was warmly greeted at church on Sunday and we all went for his High Council report last night. I took him to the doctor today and to the cemetery before going for brunch. He then came and took my outdoor Christmas lights down. He has been getting organized and reoriented this week and starts working for John Layton next week. The highlight of my week was when almost my whole family met on Family Zoom on Monday evening to welcome Jack back and say goodbye to Bryson. I could feel their love for their family. What a week! What a wonderful family Tom has left me with and the Lord has blessed us with. I am very grateful!

The rest of my week in a nutshell. I had my hair cut this week and Kona had her grooming, She nipped the groomer a couple of times. Oh dear! I met with Lauren McGregor and the Emergency Preparedness Expo group I have been asked to work with Sunday evening. I paid the lawyer for my will finalization. I had to renew my car insurance this week and at first it looked like it was going to be a problem again but when I went to Tesla requesting help, they put me on the phone with their insurance fellow and he had it done immediately and delivered to my house the next day.  A positive for Tesla! Jack and I removed the Christmas arrangement from Tom’s grave and, with the outdoor light down, Christmas is officially tucked away for another year. The weather has turned very cold! Ryan my landscaper has promised to replace the burnt back turf when it warms up. Always much going on and much to think about. Very blessed!

January 4, 2024

 The first post of the New Year! It is Treyvn’s 16th Birthday and Liza and Brendon’s 24th Wedding Anniversary. Jack arrives home from his mission to Benin, Africa tomorrow and Bryson is doing home MTC  this week. It is an eventful day and week for our family. 

Cindy, Paul and Sam took me to the Hallmark outdoor Christmas sets in Aldergrove last Wednesday evening. It was fun and I actually recognized some of buildings from movies I have seen lately. They even had fake snow falling (it is made from soap). Cindy and I bought wool hats from the little outdoor market. We went to A+W afterward.

I visited the cemetery thru the week and had Bryson return on Thursday to stay with me when he came with N’Leah’s family for her endowment on Friday. I went on the Friday session for N’Leah too and Bryson drove back home with them afterward. I then got ready for our trip up to Kelowna.

Cindy, Paul, Sam, Kona and I drove up to Kelowna on Saturday morning in preparation for Bryson’s farewell on Sunday. It was fun to be with the family and see the house decorated for Christmas. Liza has some of our old decorations and it feels like home. I took the family and N’Leah out for dinner Saturday evening. The Sunday meeting was special as Brendon conducted, Liza and Bryson spoke and Sam and Keaton helped with the sacrament. We had brunch before returning home as Sam wanted to be with friends for the New Year. My New Year was quiet here at home with fireworks going outside. I was so glad we were able to go up. Liza is struggling as she is trying to manage without her medication and with the pressures of life and all that is happening, it is hard.

I have been taking the Christmas decorations down this week. I am a little slower in doing so than I used to be. Kona is confused and I am sure she thinks that I am crazy. 

David Burgess kindly helped us get paperwork done for my executor and representation connected to my will.  I think everything is in order now and I turned the signed documents over to the lawyer. Cindy and Liza are joint on these papers and I needed them both to be there to sign at one time.

I am trying to hard to support my family and to have my life in order. Trying to do everything as one individual when you are used to working with a partner is an adjustment and forces me to think and make decisions on my own and push myself. I do feel Tom’s support though and I hope the children do as well.